The Angel & The One
by Bookaholica
Summary: Slightly AU. UES: A broken girl from a broken home who pretends to be perfect meets a neglected and lonely boy who pretends to be indifferent. Series of one-shots – might not be in chronological order. Chair.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Gossip Girl or any of the characters. However, I do own the idea for this series of one-shots._**

_I'm flying up so high, my purple majesty displaying__  
I've reached a higher place that no one else can make a claim in  
I'll take you there, my friend, I'm reaching out my hand, so take it  
We are the angels and we are the ones that are praying  
Weezer - The Angel And The One_

Her parents had been yelling and bickering at each other since she was a small girl, so she always thought it was something normal, something that happened in every family. It wasn't until she started sleeping over and spending more time at her friends' houses that she realized how wrong she had been all along.

She was twelve. She wiped her away the moisture in her eyes with one of her many designer silk handkerchiefs and tried to suppress a sob as she once again heard her parents yelling horrible things at each other downstairs. She knew she couldn't cry because doing it would mean having blotchy cheeks and puffy red eyes, but it was too hard to keep her tears at bay.

She was twelve. She rarely ever spent time with her mother since Eleanor was almost always away working or focusing on her career to care about her only daughter anyway; their interactions were limited only to her mother's occasional criticism and sarcastic cold comments about her appearance. She loved her father immensely; he was the only one who seemed like he did like having her around. Together they went every Sunday morning to Central Park and fed the ducks in the pond. He was the one who made Yale be her dream and who always treated her like his little princess.

She was twelve when her father talked to her for the first time about divorcing her mother. Blair's young face had crumpled and she couldn't help the single tear that rolled down her cheek. Harold Waldorf's heart nearly broke as he watched his daughter's reaction. He hated hurting his little girl. He decided to wait a little bit longer, until she was away at college. Harold hugged her tight and thought "Just a little while longer, until she's grown up".

Blair Waldorf was twelve the first time she made herself throw up. It was during her birthday party. Harold was away on a business trip and couldn't fly home because of some tropical storm. Eleanor was in a worse mood than usual, stressed about her juvenile clothing line, and didn't even remember her daughter's birthday. Blair was miserable. Dorota, who had always been like a mother to her, gave her a box of macaroons to try and make her feel better. Blair ate them all and tried had to forget her daddy was away. She had been in middle school and even then, she had a complex of striving for perfection and pleasing the ones around her. Everything she had ever wanted was to please her mother and father.

In school, although she was Queen, the girls were just starting to be interested in boys and Serena Van Der Woodsen suddenly became everyone's hero because she had already kissed many boys and hosted boy/girl parties all the time. Blair, furious about losing her peers' attention, had decided to host her first boy/girl party for her birthday. She befriended Serena, and with her help invited the whole male class from St. Jude's Middle School although she hardly knew any of the boys. Serena arrived early at the Waldorf penthouse to help Blair receive the boys. As soon as Eleanor saw the willowy blonde, she was pleased; she knew she had found the face for her new juvenile clothing line.

Soon, the penthouse was full of loud children and Blair turned to Serena for advice on what to do next; Serena soon took over the party, put on some music and the awkwardness between the boys and girls soon dissolved, all the kids started having fun. Blair was really grateful though she would never admit it. Soon enough it was time for Blair to blow out her candles, all the kids gathered around the huge oak table, all except one. As soon as the lights came back on, everyone sat around the huge living room and ate their piece of chocolate cake. Eleanor decided to check on the kids and glanced around the room; she saw the girl she had chosen as her new model for the juvenile line giggling and surrounded by boys, not eating a piece of cake, Eleanor nodded with approval. Blair noticed her mother and saw her smile, which actually seemed genuine; she followed her mother's stare to Serena and frowned while shoveling a spoonful of cake into her mouth. Eleanor suddenly turned her stare to Blair, her smile immediately disappeared as she regarded her daughter with coldness and… disgust as she took in her daughter's mouth full of cake.

Blair tried to swallow the cake in her mouth but found she couldn't. Eleanor had her hard stare trained on her, almost daring her to swallow. It was too much for Blair; she almost choked and had to go to the bathroom to spit the cake so none of the kids would notice. As she leaned on the toilet, Blair realized she could finally purge everything her mother disapproved and so she introduced a finger into her throat, willing herself to purge everything that disappointed her mother.

She was twelve when she first met him at her birthday party. As soon as she came out of the bathroom, wiping her tears and fanning herself she saw him watching her intently. His dark, bottomless eyes trained on her face. She felt very uncomfortable, like she thought he could sense what had just taken place in the bathroom.

"What are you looking at?" she asked cheekily and when he didn't answer she added. "I don't even remember seeing you at school or inviting you here for that matter. Who are you?"

At this, the boy smirked and finally looked away from her face to allow his eyes to roam over her lithe body.

"I'm Chuck Bass".

**_A/N: Anyone missing Gossip Girl as much as I am?! I came up with this idea and decided to give it a try, so what do you think about it? Don't forget to Review, Follow and Favorite!_**


	2. Chapter 2

_It won't be in vain_

_To swallow all your pain _

_And learn to love what burns_

_And gather courage to return to…_

_The Weeknd - The Devil May Cry_

His oldest memories were always accompanied of a string of diverse foreign nannies, never his father. Except for an occasional trip to Australia to visit his uncle Jack, Chuck Bass' childhood had been plagued by anyone except his closest and only family. He had always felt he was a burden, an obstacle in the career, of the ambitious and rich Bart Bass. It wasn't as if his father didn't comment all the time on how big of a failure he was.

In the boarding school, Chuck was a lonely kid that was feared and avoided by all because of his powerful contacts in and out of the boarding school and the rumors of his father's immense fortune. Everyone tended to keep away from him. Since his childhood, Chuck Bass was completely unused to the feel of being cared about and was often weary of human contact. He had grown to detest most people his age and became an introvert.

He had just turned thirteen when he experienced his first sexual encounter with one of the slutty girls in his boarding school. Chuck had already had some minor sexual experiences before that day, but something he would never confess is that he had never had a first kiss. The name of the girl he did it with that day was Georgina Sparks. Before he realized what was going on, he was pulled by her into a janitor's closet and the door slammed shut behind him. He had is first sexual encounter in complete darkness. At the time, Georgina had figured it was probably best to have a good relationship with the Bass heir since it could come in handy for her at some time in the future. Chuck Bass had found out he had a new favorite activity.

He was thirteen and it was his first time in the city. Every holiday Bart forced him to stay away at his boarding school in Switzerland and every summer, when the school closed down, Bart inevitably sent him away to a secluded camp. This time, his father had requested his presence on the city from September until after Thanksgiving break. Chuck didn't know what this was all about since his father had never shown any interest in his education, or in any aspect of his life for that matter. He wondered what miraculous event occurred that made Bart Bass request time with his son.

As soon as he'd arrived, Bart had started introducing Chuck to many of his business associates and taking him to fancy brunches and dinner parties. Bart Bass was not a family man, no one was fooled by this; even after the newspapers published the exclusive interview and photo shoot of Bart Bass and his only heir, everyone in New York city – and the whole country – knew this was probably just an strategy for publicity to Bass Industries. Chuck hadn't been fooled by this for a minute; the moment he set foot on the private section of the JFK Airport his father had forcibly dragged his arm and warned him against his "embarrassing public behavior" and bringing bad publicity to the stable image of Bass Industries.

He was thirteen when he met Nathaniel Archibald for the first time. Bart Bass had taken him to a brunch hosted by the Vanderbilt family and, seeing a group of blonde boys – probably the Vanderbilt cousins – had forced him to go and make some friends, stating that they could be powerful connections for the Bass family in the future. Chuck had remained in the shadows watching the group of blonde, tanned and muscular boys run around the vast field of the Vanderbilt state. One of the tallest boys approached him suddenly, smiled at him and asked him to join their game since they needed another player to have even teams. Chuck would never confess this to anyone but that afternoon, all sweaty and exhausted; he knew he had found his very first friend.

He was thirteen when he realized he had his very first best friend. After that day at the Vanderbilt state, Nathaniel Archibald and Chuck Bass became inseparable, they often hung out on weekends in which Nate taught him how to play several sports and Chuck taught him how to roll a joint and hold your liquor. Nate was awed at hearing about Chuck's apparently immense experience in women and addicting substances. Chuck became kind of a hero for Nate and Nate became Chuck's closest and most loyal friend.

He was thirteen when he first saw her. Nathaniel had asked him to go with him to the birthday party of this snobby girl from his school. As always, Chuck Bass arrived fashionably late to the Waldorf Penthouse and, since he didn't know any of the kids in the party, remained observant in a corner. A small brunette with perfect porcelain skin, perfect bowed red lips and a headband caught his eye immediately. Soon enough, when the time to sing Happy Birthday came, he noticed that she was the birthday girl. He was intrigued about this little brunette who was bossing everyone around. From the shadows, Chuck observed her as she interacted with the other kids in the penthouse and how she always seemed to want to draw attention from her mother.

He was thirteen when he felt sympathetic towards someone other than himself for the first time. Chuck observed quietly from the shadows Blair and Eleanor's whole silent interaction concerning the cake. He felt a foreign pang in his heart at seeing the little girl's face crumple up when she noticed Eleanor was disappointed at her, he had felt that way several times too. Without thinking, Chuck Bass followed the little brunette out of the living room as quietly as possible and halted at a closed door. He heard how she purged her whole birthday meal, for the first time in her life, in an attempt to regain control over her life and emotions. Chuck watched smirking as she came out of the bathroom, with blushed cheeks and wiping a few tears away. She froze the moment she saw him. She halted right in front of him and stared him down – an almost unmanageable feat since he was taller than her – her big eyes closed down in suspicion. She was the most beautiful and delicate thing he had ever laid eyes upon.

"What are you looking at?" she asked cheekily, Chuck was at a loss of words for the first time in his life and when he didn't answer she added. "I don't even remember seeing you at school or inviting you here for that matter. Who are you?"

At this, Chuck's smirk grew wider as he finally noticed he had been staring at her perfect face intently. He allowed his eyes to roam over her tiny body suggestively and finally focused on her face again. He noticed she had shifted a little and her cheeks were acquiring a rosy tint again. Chuck realized his presence was making her uncomfortable. Chuck Bass was in his comfort zone now.

"I'm Chuck Bass", he answered in the most arrogant tone he could muster.

_**A/N: Thanks to those of you who reviewed! Basileya, Guest1, Guest2, Chair-leader! I am infinitely grateful too to those of you who added this story to their favorites and/or followed. I decided to continue writing the one-shots. And, for anyone who's interested, I am also working on a historical 20th century GG fic! Check it out! It's called "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Don't forget to review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3:

* * *

_I got lost__  
Inside a memory,  
When I was young  
And I almost drowned,  
I was found…_

_… So take all that you know and stuff it in a hole,__  
And in ten thousand years someone will take you home,  
Rewind the words in which you roam…_

_Turin Brakes – Dark on Fire_

A little later after the awkward conversation between Chuck Bass and her outside her bathroom, Blair Waldorf returned to her party as poised and perfect as ever, not a hair out of place. Not a single one of the kids – except Chuck of course – had even noticed her absence since they were still enjoying their pieces of cake. Blair approached the girls who were clustered together in a side of the room, took her rightful place at the head of the group of girls and immediately took charge. They all listened to her intently and followed her instructions unquestioningly. Soon after, Serena and Blair managed to get Eleanor and Dorota out of the living room and the kids were finally able to interact in private.

Blair Waldorf was twelve when she met the love of her life. She had been the last girl to join in the mixed boy-girl group. She had hurried across the living room in an attempt to catch up with her friends when she had lost her footing. Blair was just about to tumble into the floor when someone took her arm and steadied her. When she looked up, the first thing she saw was a beautiful pair of ocean blue eyes. She realized that those eyes belonged to a boy… and a very handsome boy at that – in fact the most handsome boy at the party, Blair realized with awe. She melted when he smiled at her and warned her to be more careful next time. She walked with wobbly feet towards the group as she readjusted her headband and deeply blushed with pleasure when the handsome boy sat down right next to her. Blair Waldorf was twelve when she realized she had found her fairytale prince, the one she would marry and have the happily ever after life she had always dreamed of.

Blair Waldorf was twelve when she started feeling inferior to her best friend. It happened some weeks after her birthday party. Serena had invited some of the girls of their class and a couple of boys from St. Judes to come over to her summer house at the Hamptons to enjoy the last sunrays before winter. As it was expected, and very much to Blair's dismay, Nate Archibald took his new best friend Chuck Bass to the van der Woodsen soiree. Blair couldn't reconcile herself with the idea that the two completely opposite boys were actually best friends and couldn't understand how someone so gentlemanly as Nate could hang out with someone as spoiled and… frustrating as the young Bass heir. Blair arrived early to Serena's summer house and together they tried on their bikinis. The young Waldorf girl couldn't help but feel much diminished next to the very tanned and very developed body of her blonde best friend. Blair looked at both of their reflections in the full body mirror of the bedroom and watched in horror as she realized she looked like a washed-out and pale little girl in contrast to the prematurely busty and bronze-skinned Serena, who managed to look as if she spent every day sunbathing in the beach even if it was already the middle of autumn. Blair started feeling out of control and very nauseous and tried to go to the bathroom and relieve herself by purging when some of her minions and the boys arrived and joined the party.

Blair Waldorf was twelve when she first played spin the bottle. They had been forced to get out of the pool and move inside the summer house when a sudden storm broke and cold rain started pouring down on them mercilessly. Most of the kids left at this point and Serena had gathered the remaining kids left in the comfy rug around the chimney of her living room. Soon, the kids' wet hair was drying near the cozy fire of the hearth and their shivering bodies slowly starting to heat up. Most of the boys and girls were gone and there were only a few of Blair's minions left, Blair, Serena and about five boys – including Nate Archibald, Blair noted with a pleased blush spreading over her pale cheeks. It had been Serena's idea to spend the afternoon playing spin the bottle because, as she had pointed out, they needed an activity to warm themselves; soon enough, the few boys left started elbowing and smirking at each other and Serena plastered a flirty smile on her face as she glanced at them. Blair felt positively nauseous and told her blonde best friend in a whisper that she had never, ever kissed a boy before. Serena's eyebrows shot up in surprise – she didn't even remember her first kiss, it had been with some random boy in kindergarten – and she appeased her brunette best friend by promising that she didn't have to do anything she didn't feel like doing.

\- Come on B, we'll have a blast you'll see! – said Serena over her shoulder while she walked over to where the others were already gathered and just waiting for them to start their game.

Blair Waldorf was twelve years old when she allowed herself to be vulnerable and cry in front of someone other than Dorota for the first time in her life. Blair forced a fake smile on her face as she sat down between Serena and Hazel – one of her minions – and looked around nervously, blushing with embarrassment as she noticed how excited all the others were. She looked down, trying to control her emotions; after all, it was just a game. The problem was that Blair Waldorf was a romantic: She had always dreamed about her first kiss and it had involved a romantic setting, solitude and someone who she truly loved and who loved her back… she was in no way excited with the prospect of having her first kiss on the rug near the hearth of Serena's summer house in the Hamptons in a living room full of giggling and hormonal pre-teens and with some random boy. When Serena reached for the bottle to spin it around and start the game, Blair couldn't stand it anymore and excused herself hurriedly, vaguely claiming to have a headache and saying that she needed to rest. Once out of the living room, Blair exhaled loudly and sighed while looking around: she was standing in the middle of the Van Der Woodsen library.

\- Why didn't you stay with them? – a voice behind her asked.

Blair whirled around rapidly, her heart beating wildly. She saw a familiar pair of dark, bottomless eyes staring back at her and she felt somewhat sad that they weren't the beautiful pair of ocean blue eyes she was so infatuated with since her birthday. It was Charles Bass' smirking face and unreadable gaze boring into her instead of Nate Archibald's gentle face and solemn expression. She crunched up her nose and avoided looking at his face again.

\- Why did you follow me? – she shot back just as quickly.

\- I didn't follow you. I just didn't want to play that game either so I came in here – he answered – Chuck Bass doesn't play childish kissing games, he kissed whomever he wants whenever he wants.

Blair's eyebrow shot up and her face acquired a mean expression.

\- And does Chuck Bass always refer to himself in third person? – she asked mockingly and was secretly glad when she saw him wince and recede little.

Blair had felt a little bad at being so mean to him but she needed to be alone right now and he was dangerous. She suspected that he already knew far more than he should about her – like that time when they ran into each other after she made herself puke her chocolate birthday cake – and that made her feel uneasy and a little scared. She didn't like sharing her secrets and much less people finding out about them. Because of this, she felt the need to keep Charles Bass as far from her as possible, before he was able to put two and two together and find out about her most recent and shameful secret.

\- Just leave. You are not wanted here. – Blair stated coldly and with her best bitch expression.

Chuck didn't move an inch; in fact he stepped closer and closer to her with little steps. She couldn't believe he had the nerve to disobey her. After all, she WAS the Queen. Blair stood taller, daring him and he smirked as he got even closer to her, almost reaching the point where their chests touched. Chuck lowered his face, his dark eyes boring into her chocolate ones and she unconsciously let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

\- Why princess? Do I make you uncomfortable? – he asked in a whisper, bending lower to whisper near her ear.

\- Not at all. You disgust me. – Blair shot as she took a step backwards and away from him.

Chuck straightened very fast and took a step back, looking at her furiously.

\- Well, it's not a secret you are just a silly little girl with a crush on Nathaniel. You disgust me even more. – Chuck spat out cruelly.

That answer hit Blair's pride more than she would have expected. It was the way he had looked at her in despise as he muttered the words "little girl" and "crush". Blair Waldorf lowered her gaze and spoke in a mere whisper.

\- You are right. I'm just a silly little girl who doesn't even seem to be mature enough to play a stupid game, who looks like she's eight years old next to her perfect and blonde best friend and who isn't good enough, skinny enough or pretty enough for her mother to ever approve – she choked out the last part as she tried to control the tears running down her cheeks and turned around to retire further into the library.

Blair Waldorf was horrified of having appeared so weak in front of a complete stranger… and to top it all, the same stranger who could suspect about her recent eating disorder. She blushed violently and kept her eyes cast down while she went further into the maze-like bookshelves of the huge library. Soon enough, he was far behind her and she lost sight of him. She was glad he didn't make any attempt to follow her; she didn't think she could stomach pity or much less mockery.

She was sitting on the furthest windowsill, which overlooked the classic garden, and was hugging a pillow close to her chest when she heard footsteps approaching her. She didn't bother to turn around. She was sure it was not him; she knew the boys like him: they bothered you until you showed weakness and then left to brag about it to the others. She was sure she had already lost her status as Queen and vaguely wondered whether Serena was the new Queen and if that was the case, what would her role be?

The footsteps stopped and she felt the weight of someone on the opposite side of the windowsill. That was when she turned to look at whoever had come and her breath hitched. It was Chuck Bass again. She had been just about to release a biting remark or a warning to the annoying boy but the vulnerable look in his dark and usually confident dark eyes warned her against it. Instead she looked out the window again and waited for him to speak first.

\- I'm sorry – he said very quietly with a voice quite different to the one he had used before, it was a raw and vulnerable voice.

To say that it was definitely something she hadn't expected to happen was an understatement.

**A/N: Hi guys! So I had a bit of a personal issue recently that completely has me feeling nostalgic and regretful and it inspired me somewhat for this scene. Hope you liked it! It's my longest and favorite one-shot so far. By the way it was my birthday last week and one the best parts of my day was getting the chance to read some of the reviews here and in Every Rose Has Its Thorn! You make me so happy with your supportive comments and your follows and favorites. I am immensely grateful to those of you who keep supporting my writing and also to you, my silent readers.**

**If you have any idea or duggestion for the next one-shot please PM me or comment it in the story and I might use it later! Thanks for reading and please R&amp;R!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Happy Limoversary! Enjoy :)**

Chuck Bass sighed unhappily observing Blair leave. He had deeply regretted every single mean word he had said to Blair Waldorf on the last minutes. He realized he had indeed gone too far the very moment he saw her small face contort with hurt, her voice tremble as she answered and, worst of all, the crystalline tears escaping those beautiful brown doe-like eyes he liked so much because they reminded him of his deceased mother's. It had almost broken his heart to realize he had made her cry.

Chuck Bass was thirteen the first time he made a girl cry and regretted it. Her reaction surprised him at first, but then, it only pained him deeply to realize he had managed to make someone feel so vulnerable. He had been expecting her anger and her mean words. He had been expecting her bitchiness and icy remarks. He had even expected an insult or even a slap. What he definitely had not been expecting at all was for her to show weakness, to break and crumble down so completely. He had not been expecting her to accept her flaws and to reveal so much about her insecurities to a stranger such as himself. What made him feel even more distressed was the fact that she had surrendered so much about herself to him as a way of giving up and not because she felt any sort of trust for him.

Chuck just felt terrible about it and he didn't know what to do to make it better.

Chuck Bass was thirteen the first time he ever considered apologizing to someone for something he had done. He had been standing there for a long time, long after she had retreated to the very back of the library and disappeared from his view. He was at a loss of words. He wasn't sure of what to do next, although he was sure he urgently needed to fix the mess he had done. Chuck slowly started walking in the direction he saw Blair retreating into, letting his feet carry him absentmindedly, and suddenly found himself staring at her. She looked so small and vulnerable, curled up in fetal position in the windowsill that overlooked the garden and hugging a pillow to her chest tightly. Chuck's stomach painfully knotted with the sudden realization that he had been able to force Blair, by cruelly mocking her, to show him a weak, insecure side she never shared with anyone.

Chuck Bass was thirteen the first time he felt completely at a loss of what to do with a girl. He usually behaved like his flirty, suave self and happened to mention his name and every girl in the room would fight for his attention. This time he as clueless. Chuck Bass felt awkward around a girl for the first time in his life as he cautiously approached Blair's form on the windowsill. Chuck observed her wearily, half expecting her to attack or weep at any second. He tentatively sat on the windowsill very slowly and as far away as he could from her, so he didn't startle her. He was finally starting to feel more at ease when she turned to look at him with huge, hopeless eyes. He was quick to notice her gaze showing a little surprise for a few seconds as she registered his features. It was clear she hadn't expected him to come back. However, Blair quickly turned away after she recognized him. He swallowed hard to keep the lump in his throat at bay and tried clearing his voice. He knew he had to do it now, he had to say it. He tried to say it but the words refused to come out. He was not brave enough, he thought with anger. Every negative thing his father had ever said about him was true and he was a coward. Long seconds passed, uninterrupted minutes stretched and Chuck still couldn't find the right words to convey what he wanted to say to Blair. He needed to apologize, he realized with urgency, but it was something he had never done before. Ever.

\- I'm sorry – he managed to choke out at last, feeling almost as if by saying it he was unwillingly revealing a very vulnerable part of himself, like she had done earlier. He felt exposed and pathetic.

Nothing happened for the first few minutes. At first it was as if Blair hadn't heard him at all but, just when Chuck was about to repeat himself more clearly, Blair turned halfway and managed to smile weakly at him. A wordless acceptance of his apology. The little smile had been faked since no trace of happiness ever reached her lips or her eyes. She was still hurt and sad. Her large brown eyes had lost a little of their shine and looked hopeless and lost, he noticed. It was astonishing. Chuck realized Blair's eyes were still breathtakingly pretty even when they were already teary and red from crying. She then turned to face the window and away from him again. Chuck was left staring at her adorable profile. She didn't seem to mind him and he decided to stay for a while longer. The minutes and the seconds stretched by and passed unnoticed. Both Chuck and Blair realized they were strangely comfortable around each other. Neither of them would ever confess to it, but they felt that in each other there was someone who could understand their pain somehow.

\- You know? I really thought you were going to make fun of me after making me confess everything. – Blair said after the long silent pause, daring to look at him from below her long lashes and blushing a little. – Thanks for… you know, not doing it or telling anyone about it. I could have really lost my status as Queen.

Chuck noticed that Blair already looked better. She looked quite relieved and even calmer than before. He found himself smiling at her. Chuck's smile was sincere and he felt glad that she had apparently forgiven him. They held eye contact for a longer while and this time, it was him who looked away first. The amicable silence resettled between them as they looked out the large window. It started raining again and the kids found themselves entranced watching the insistent raindrops clattering as they fell on the window and outside the Van der Woodsen summer house. Slowly, their problems seemed to etch away. Gradually, they felt at peace with themselves, each other, and the world in general. They never once thought about the other kids, still playing on Serena's living room.

Chuck Bass was thirteen years old the first time he ever confessed one of his deepest, most embarrassing secrets aloud. It was a liberty he took only because he felt he had found someone he trusted enough to share it with. In addition to that, he thought maybe knowing it could help her feel better and smile. Maybe telling her could make her feel more comfortable around him, like he felt around her. Chuck had a feeling that sharing would also make her share something deep, plus, he already knew about her recent problems with food and her eating disorder. It was sort of like he owed her one. Most important of all, Chuck had a feeling it would make her smile. Chuck liked seeing her smile.

\- You know something crazy? I've never kissed anyone either – confessed Chuck unexpectedly in a whispered and conspiratorial tone, being the first to break the long silence.

At first she was startled and couldn't believe her ears. Surely she must have heard him wrong. Chuck's confession was something Blair had never expected him to say. It was unbelievable coming from a guy like him. Blair was skeptic. Very unlike herself, she snorted, trying to contain her laughter at his ridiculous confession. He chuckled at her unladylike reaction. Then, she finally tore her gaze from the window and looked at his mischievous dark eyes. His face was solemn and yet playful. She knew from looking at his dark eyes that he was telling the truth; however she refused to believe such a thing about a guy such as himself. It was scandalous and almost impossible to imagine. It was good gossip material – although Blair knew she would never share such an intimate detail with her minions or Serena. It was indeed extremely hard to believe that Chuck Bass had never kissed anyone.

\- Oh, come on Bass, you don't have to lie to make me feel better about it. – said Blair with a teasing tone, expecting him to agree with her and say that his previous confession had indeed been a lie.

\- No, I'm Scout serious. – said Chuck with the most adorable serious expression.

Blair felt a little tug in her heart seeing the solemnity and truth in his face and eyes. She had never seen that side of Chuck before. She found herself wanting to see more of him than what he showed the others.

\- Why? A notorious playboy such as you never kissed anyone? And, you know, what about all those naughty rumors I hear from the boys and some of my minions about you… umm… you know… being naughty - finished Blair with a hushed tone, suddenly nervous and blushing.

Chuck only shrugged and smirked at Blair. He thought that she looked rather cute when she was blushing. He felt like she was someone he could trust. Most importantly, he felt she was someone who would understand without judging him.

\- Well, princess, if you want me to explain with details and answer why… then you have to share your story first. – said Chuck cheekily after considering the repercussions of sharing information with her for a moment. – You know I'm a perfect gentleman and ladies are always first. – he ended while smirking widely at her knowingly.

Blair looked at Chuck, trying to decide whether she should trust in him or not. She felt suddenly very spontaneous and playful. She felt relaxed… It surprised her because she hadn't felt that way for months now. Chuck looked mischievous and his dark appearance gave him a dangerous aura. His penetrating gaze held a challenge: he was trying to see whether she would be up for it, whether she was brave enough to stand up to the challenge. He was testing her. She swallowed hard, trying to hold his gaze and refusing to show weakness or cowardice. Blair Waldorf was never one to back down from a good challenge.

\- OK. I'll share first but you are not allowed to laugh, smirk, or make any sort of funny or mocking comment about it. – Blair answered with a business-like tone which had all the command from someone who was (or had been) the Queen.

\- I promise I will listen quietly and be respectful – responded Chuck solemnly, after a few seconds of this he smirked and added – I'm scout serious.

Blair rolled her eyes at him in fake annoyance. Although she'll never confess to anyone that she secretly found him very cute and was even starting to consider his trademark smirk kind of endearing. After a little while, Blair was finally able to find the right words to begin to explain her embarrassing secret.

\- I have always dreamed of having a movie-like first kiss. – Blair revealed in a hushed tone secretively – Yes, I'm a romantic and also a hopeless dreamer. And don't you dare make fun of me because of it. – she ended with a warning.

Chuck just stared ahead pensively. Who knew a prim and proper lady such as Blair dreamt about her first kiss already. He now felt very embarrassed about his secret, it was far more personal than Blair's.

\- My… mother and my father fell in love in London and had their first kiss in Paris. I want it to be the same… I'm sort of saving myself until I find someone it will feel right to be with. – said Chuck lowering his obscure gaze and speaking with a quiet tone.

Blair got worried after a while because Chuck kept staring at his lap. She realized his secret was far more personal than hers and that he had bared a piece of his soul to her. Much like she had earlier… but in much horrible circumstances. Blair was at a loss of what to do. She was aware that he felt embarrassed of having shared too much and that maybe he was even about to cry. She had never had any boy friends and felt very awkward around them. Specially around Chuck Bass. She cared about him however and did not know how to console him and it was breaking her heart to see him like this. She finally decided to grab the hands he had resting on his lap – which he was currently observing intensely – and encase them on her own in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. She hesitantly reached for him and felt his confusion as she held his hands tightly and as tenderly as she dared.

Chuck Bass was thirteen and he was still terrified of seeing pity on anyone's eyes. After a few moments Chuck finally looked up at Blair expecting his worst fear to be written on her pretty face. However, Chuck looked up at her and did not see compassion, like he expected, but understanding in her beautiful angelic face. Those beautiful brown eyes that reminded him of his mother's so much were not full of pity but of kindness. That made him feel better already and realize she had indeed been the right person to tell. He felt relieved that he had been right about her, that she could be trusted.

\- Where is your mother now, Chuck? – asked Blair gently and hesitantly.

Chuck's bigger hands started trembling encased insider her smaller ones. It was something he was expecting to hear but he had dreaded it. He knew he could trust her, he could tell her but it was sharing already too much personal stuff.

\- I killed her.


	5. Chapter 5

_Don't let me tumble away__  
__Into the throws of the shadowy bay__  
__I cling to the rock__  
__And it's crumbling off__  
__Toss me a heavy rope__  
__It's a slippery slope__  
__Come bail me out of this God forsaken precipice__  
__Come bail me out of this God forsaken precipice___

_Oh, I'm not a lost cause__  
__I'm just stuck in this spot__  
__And I'm close to falling off…_

_Lights – Heavy Rope_

After the horrible incident in her twelfth birthday, Blair had felt the urge to purge again several times after, especially when Daddy couldn't stand living with Eleanor anymore and ran off with his French lover while Blair was still at the middle of the ninth grade and Eleanor was off in some trip. Now, at fourtheen, Blair Waldorf was left truly alone and defenseless to face Eleanor's disapproving glares, nasty comments, cold demeanor, and constant comparing of her with Serena. However, the young girl did her best to ignore everything and send the minimum amount of time around Eleanor Waldorf and the penthouse she had once considered her home. Blair instead tried to cope with her mother's constant criticizing about her eating habits and her body (apparently she had not only not lost her baby fat, but had gained weight) by reducing her food intake drastically, only eating when it was absolutely necessary, almost to the point where Dorota worried that she could pass out at any given moment due to the lack of food. No one, except for Dorota, appeared to notice or care about the rapid loss of weight the thirteen year old was going through. Dorota was the only one nagging her about the dangers of skipping meals and not developing well. Blair ignored her Polish maid and brushed off her worried expressions. Blair couldn't decide if she felt relieved or hurt at the lack of interest of her family for her welfare, her father barely contacted her anymore and he never asked about her wellbeing and the mere thought of Eleanor distraught over anything (except weight) that had to do with her daughter was laughable.

The pressure from school, from her minions, from everyone, and especially from her mother, became too much for her. Everyone expected her to fall, which was exactly why she would hold on and get up even higher, to prove everyone wrong. She had, it appeared, too many things to do, too many goals to achieve, too many pounds to shed, too many inches to subtract from her waistline, too many social events on her calendar, too many enemies to take down. Nowadays, Blair always felt like she was on the verge of a hysterical breakdown. Thank God for dear Dorota who was more a mother figure that Eleanor had ever been. Also, Serena was always there for her, if not to give her smart advice (which was definitely NOT her forte, as Blair knew from experience) but to listen sympathetically and offer some distraction. Nate was also a great support for Blair, despite his usual cluelessness and shallow behavior; he was the trophy that legitimized her claim to the "throne" at Constance Billiard and made her authority unquestionable.

And… well, Blair couldn't really force herself to ignore the fact that Chuck played a very important role in her life as well and was a key factor to keep her social status on check, in him she had found an unlikely ally with whom she could plot and scheme and had even grown to trust. Blair also felt that he was constantly checking on her too, from afar… almost as if he cared, and it almost made her admit she cared about Chuck too, – but, ha! She knew better: Chuck Bass was an egocentical basstard who cared for no one besides himself and Blair was too much like him, more than she cared to admit.

Her favorite days of the week were Sundays.

On Sundays normal families hung out together doing whatever normal families do on weekends. However, none of the parents of the Upper East Side spend their weekends with their children, it was almost a non-spoken rule between them it seemed. Serena, Nate, Blair and Chuck were clearly no exception so they hung out together on those days. The four members of the Non Judging Breakfast Club were almost polar opposites; nevertheless, they always managed to have a great time together. Each week the activities they did were chosen by a different member of the NJBC.

On Serena Sundays they went shopping, boozing, and partying with their fake IDs (courtesy of Chuck and his many contacts). On Nate Sundays they watched sports on TV or action movies, played videogames and occasionally smoked pot. On Chuck Sundays they went to exclusive night clubs, sat on the VIP and had drinks and other substances. On Blair Sundays they had an Audrey Hepburn movie marathon, dined at exclusive restaurants and occasionally attended elite cultural events.

Blair felt that Sundays were the only days she could truly let go from the stress and be herself.

However, these days, Blair Waldorf's apparently "perfect" life was anything but. In fact, her life seemed like a hellhole what with all the pressures and Eleanor's emotional and verbal abuse at home. She couldn't help but be emotionally withdrawn even in the company of her closest friends, and she couldn't be blamed. No one seemed to notice something was amiss though, even her friends, and that added to her depression. There was no one – except Dorota, but of course she was paid to care – who really cared whether she lived or died, it seemed.

It was on one of those Sundays (a Serena Sunday), in which Blair felt particularly miserable, that it happened.

The plan was to have lunch at Via Quadronno, the expensive new Italian restaurant, then head out to Bergdorfs, to shop and accessorize, and finally go home to have some drinks before heading to some party a guy from the lacrosse team (Serena's current hookup) was throwing in his parents' building while they were away on a business trip.

Currently, the four of them were crashing in a suite Chuck rented at the Palace, it was 11:37 p.m. and it was still too early to go to the party. Serena and Nate were getting high and were laughing hysterically at dumb things. Chuck was watching them, amused, while nursing a glass of scotch. Blair suddenly got up from the couch they were all sitting in and headed to the bathroom.

Blair felt Chuck's dark gaze following her around. She closed the door to the bathroom and pressed herself to the door. She let out a heavy sigh and slowly sank down to the floor. Then, perfect and poised Blair Waldorf proceeded to bawl her eyes out.

The night before Eleanor had, once again, commented on her hideous body shape. Blair did try her best to ignore it and answer nicely to her mother that she was only fourteen so her body was supposed to look awkward at that age. Eleanor had then proceeded to ask Blair to talk to Serena about participating as a model for her new clothing line, because "that gorgeous girl is built just perfectly".

Blair looked at the porcelain toilet. It looked so inviting to her right now, when she needed to regain control, when she needed to empty herself of all the feelings. She crawled towards it weakly and started puking her meager lunch. When there were was no more food left to expulse from her body Blair was still shaking with spasms and retching. Her eyes stung and her knuckles were white from the effort of holding her upper body.

The door swung open.

She was too weak to turn around but she knew it was Chuck.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey there! Vacations at last! I'm truly sorry for taking so long to post last time, as well as taking long to update my other GG story ****_Every Rose Has Its Thorn_****, I know excuses mean nothing but take into account I'm human too and in my first year in college. It has been a busy, stressfull time for me so far but I still remember about these stories and will always remember so never fear I'll leave them on hiatus or something because IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. I will finish all my GG stories even if it takes me forever. **

**With that out of the way now we can continue on to enjoy the new chapter.**

_You keep saying to me "I'm alright."__  
__You keep saying to me "I'm fine."__  
__You keep saying to me "I'm alright"__  
__But I can see it in your eyes._

_Arkells – Where U Goin_

After he had followed her to the bathroom that day on her twelfth birthday and accidentally heard her barfing her birthday cake, Chuck had always suspected there was something terribly wrong with Blair. However, he was always afraid to confront her directly because he didn't know what to expect or how to start a conversation about it. Nevertheless, he had asked Dorota about Blair's health whenever he could because, although he'd hate to admit it because it was one of his greatest weaknesses, he knew he cared about Blair Cornelia Waldorf and knew he probably always had and always would.

He knew about Blair's fear of gaining weight. He also noticed her cold and noticed that sometimes her bitchy attitude was just a façade to cover up her inner turmoil. Chuck often noticed Blair's sadness beneath her cold glares and snotty comments. He also suspected how stressed she felt lately. He knew that, much like him, she liked to plot and scheme because it was a way to feel in control. A part of him hated how similar they could be in that aspect but another part of him secretly relished it because it meant he could spend more time scheming with her and getting to know a side of her that people seldom saw.

Nate and Serena were predictably goofing around as he watched in mild amusement when suddenly Blair got up from the couch she was curled in and rushed to the bathroom. Before she turned around, though, Chuck caught the most heart-breaking look of distress clouding Blair's sweet features. He feared the worst, that she was purposely doing something foolish to harm herself.

Conscious of his reputation, Chuck decided to wait a couple of minutes so as not to overreact – there was a chance she was maybe just engaged in lady issues in the bathroom – and have his good intentions misinterpreted, as they usually were. When about ten minutes passed and there was still no sign of Blair, Chuck got up and didn't hesitate to go after her.

He heard hear making the sounds he dreaded the closer he got to the bathroom door.

Chuck threw the door open and saw Blair kneeling on the cold tiles of the pristine hotel bathroom. She was currently gagging and doing her best to get her silky curls out of her way. She slowly sank down and rested her head on the hand with which she was currently grabbing the edge of the toilet. She never turned to look at whoever intruded on her.

Chuck Bass was fourteen the first time he felt genuinely afraid that someone close to him was irreparably hurt. As he focused on Blair's pale face, whiter than usual but in an ill way, and blotchy cheeks his worry grew. He leaned closer to the broken little figure on the floor and she finally looked up. She didn't seem surprised at all to see it was him who had barged in on her. Her eyes were red and it became obvious she had been crying. Chuck also couldn't help but notice that her beautiful chocolate eyes we devoid of any emotion and were instead two darkened pools of hopelessness. He was afraid because he had never seen anyone look so broken, so completely and utterly miserable. Chuck was afraid that maybe Blair had done some irreparable harm to her health, to her body.

It awed him how worried he could feel for this girl's wellbeing when he was naturally selfish young man.

He slowly kneeled down beside her and she watched him dispassionately. Chuck raised his hand and inched it towards her face, as if to caress her. He expected her to flinch away but she didn't, she only moved a little away from the toilet bowl and let go of her hair. She seemed as unaffected while doing this and at Chuck's actions that it seemed almost as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, as if she didn't care any longer about anything.

Chuck brushed a stray curl away from her face as tenderly as he could, as if he was trying to reassure a wounded and delicate creature, and Blair shivered. Her eyelids fluttered close and a single transparent tear fell down the corner of her eye. He didn't know what to do, how to act. He felt positively awkward around crying women and this was no exception. He felt the urge to fled and pretend as if this had never happened.

He remembered very well that rainy afternoon on the Hamptons, not so long ago really, where he had opened up to her about his inner demons after she had unwillingly done so too. That had been the only other time he had seen Blair being vulnerable and had been vulnerable himself. Both of them had later acted as if nothing had ever happened, as if the long conversation had never even happened; nevertheless, their relationship was never the same afterwards. Chuck remembered feeling as awkward and conflicted as he felt now and had, for once, let go of his selfishness to rectify his mistake as it was the right thing to do.

However, that other time couldn't possibly compare to what was transpiring here, now. This was much more serious, much more dangerous, much too real.

Chuck felt powerless, for the first time in a very long time. He didn't know what to do, how to act to help Blair.

So he did the first time that came to his mind and surrounded her with his arms.

The feeling of awkwardness that Chuck felt intensified when Blair did not hug him back and instead froze in his arms. Her spasms stopped almost immediately at the sudden contact but her shivering still continued.

Although his common sense screamed at him to stop and get the hell away, Chuck hugged Blair tighter and burrowed his head in her curls.

He was trying to infuse her with whatever strength he had and bring her a sense of security, to assure her that, somehow, someway, everything would be alright someday.

Finally, he felt her let out a tiny choked sob and felt the hot, wet tears dampening his sweater right over his heart. At that moment he knew the dam of troubled emotions within her had finally collapsed.

This thought was confirmed when Blair suddenly enveloped him in her frail arms and fiercely hugged him back.


End file.
